SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
