She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
