i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So many bounce houses so little time
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
