i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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