I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
