So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
