Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
