he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
