We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
