Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
