oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
