Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
