did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
