he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
