Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
