she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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