That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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