am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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