I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
