he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
