google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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