I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
