Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
