how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
