You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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