in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just googled if crying burns calories
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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