i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
