Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
