the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
