I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
