i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
