the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's Friday. Sex?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
