dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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