i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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