I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
