So drunk its hurt
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
