I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
