That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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