If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
