There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
