How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
