I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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