sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
