Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
