I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
