Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
