the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I want to fling myself into the sun
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
