This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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