dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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