I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
