i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
